Where the Beginnings Rise From Endings

With each of us, there lies a hint of what we are capable of.  It is what we have the potential for.  A resource for great things left for us to find a way to develop and use it.  Those that have the heart and will to shape these resources can create a better world around them and a better life for living.  Such resources are not passive or unlimited, but they are available for all to do something with. Each piece can turn into something positive if it is coaxed and cared for.  It can fall into a darkness of selfishness or neglect.  The choice is left to the individual.

In the last few weeks, as my first forty years come to a close, I have been pondering this very subject. As a young boy, I saw a world filled with great adventure and potential.  It was shaped by the upbringing that I benefited from. My parents gave me the tools to work through the challenges with all the genetic gifts that all children possess.  I craved to use those skills to become great and respected by my peers and family.  As I grew into my teen years, I had the same problems that all face, but I touched upon one thing that most did not consider important. I knew the future was greater with the education that was given. I excelled in all fashions in the academic areas.  Yet, as I looked around, it did not help to reap the great rewards and respect that I expected.

So, I made a few decisions as I left high school.  I knew that I wanted to be more than those around me.  I had the desire to learn, to study, but it met some of the greatest challenges of my life.  These were not life or death challenges, but personal achievements can become difficult if the world around you crumbles.  I took my eyes of the prize of my journey and failed to reach it.  By my third year of college, I was lost.  I did not have the answers that would fix my situation.  I retreated to a place of security with the hope of climbing back into the sunlight again.  Unfortunately, that place was not there.  My fall was long and hard.  I broke with the security of my family and found a new direction.

It was at this point that I turned my mind to founding my own place of stability and family.  For two decades, I had faced the world with the knowledge that if I failed, I would have a net to catch me.  I left that because it was a frayed net.  I wove a new net with the stable force in my life. My spouse and I did not always find our way, but our trials were early and hard.  We passed through them with the strength to face anything…even a life apart from family.

For the last two decades, I have searched with that companionship.  I found that my faith in my family would have to turn to something else.  The importance of a faith to worship faded as it was broken by those years at the end of my second decade. I will address my broken faith later, but for now, let it be said that I refocused my energies to understanding the world and its context.  I would not seek to follow something blindly because the answers were not my own. I needed my own answers.

Now that I have reached the end of my two decade quest, I believe that I have the answers that I needed.  I did not find the greatness or respect that most people do.  It was not the level that I expected as a young person.  What I found was that I still have a life left to go to find that reward. For now, I revel in the things that I have created.  A family can become the source of great support.  Children are a wonderful beacon for the future and the legacy that is left behind.  Friends are simply the icing on the cake.  I have great things, but I cannot settle for it.  It does not mean that I don’t appreciate these things, but my will and heart want to keep strive for the goal.  It is all to reach the end and be equal to those before.

Here is to the years to come and the next score of years be used to sharpen the mind and climb the mountain.  I will seek the summit and more if I can.

crudus animus

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About I Write Irate

For me, this is a personal exploration into a part of me that has been silent for years. It is an opinion. It is an expression. It is who I am. The revelations will come and the patient reader will enjoy the craft displayed. I offer a challenge: Read this and you will come to understand a voice that speaks to the heart of the issue. It can reveal a compassion that some have left behind. Enjoy.

2 responses to “Where the Beginnings Rise From Endings”

  1. Alex Jones says :

    Great is the regret for those that fail to reach high and manifest the potential they were born with. May you reach that full potential over your next 20 years.

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