A Beast Within

It is late and the day is nearly over.  I have experienced a wide range of emotional and rational thoughts.  I have opened my mind over the last few months with the loss of something that I had believed to be a road to greater things.  It was not, but I have not let it crush me.  Thus far in my writing of this blog, I have given myself over to a part of my mind that has rarely had a chance to speak.  It is my opinion that I hold dear.  It keeps me true with integrity and dignity.  I refuse to let something just change my course because it is rough and I need to find the easier path.  Life is not meant to be an easy path.  

In each of us, there lies a sleeping beast.  If we press ourselves beyond the comfort zone, we wake it.  Recently, I have awakened this beast.  It is ready to roam free and break down the walls.  

Let me pose it to you this way.  As a child, you are given certain boundaries to protect your frail form from breaking or making such a mistake that it costs you your life.  These boundaries are also the means to which our parents guide us.  We form a strong bond with our parents and we want to obey so we remain safe.  It is a wonderful state to remain in.  Some will cling to it for a very long time.  Some will break free of it far too soon.  It is not one of these that I write about personally.  

For me, it was something different.  I am quite empathetic and it was instilled in me long ago that pain which I caused in others, I would feel.  It continues.  So I battle with the empathy to find balance rather than be overruled by it.  Its hold on my conscious thought has been too strong for most of my life.  I sought to find a way as a teenager to avoid hurting others, but it usually ended with more pain than I can truly handle.  Friends were lost along the way.

So, my solution was to cut it out of my life completely.  As I became an adult, I learned that this solution was not achieving a sense of peace, because I was so far lost in it and the pain that I had caused.  Then it all changed with one person.  Of course, this was just the first step to where I am now with the awakened spirit in me now.

What I am experiencing now with this new epiphany of my life can be traced back to this first step.  Luckily for me, even after all my pushing away; it did not stop this other one in my life.  Soon, the steps were slowly taken to fix my problems, but it was never alone.  Now, I feel the weight of all those burdens that I was carrying stubbornly alone simply lighter.  I have learned to even out the burdens and released this beast.

In simpler terms, I have come to realize that even though I was living a life with my spouse, I never opened my eyes to the fact that inspiration in my world is within that bond.  It was the courage and dedication that gave me the power to balance out the empathy.  A touch of that love and support can open the mind to a whole new world.

We each have our methods of dealing with the world around us and each of us has the power to delve down into the depths of our souls to find the solutions.  I have found mine.  Everyday, I pray that it will never end.

How does all of this fit into the theme that I have here?  That is exactly why I can confidently express my opinion to the world that wishes to take time to read it.  I don’t expect it to become a success or gather a crowd of followers.  I just expect it to be what it is…my opinion.

In the end, I will be proud of it and the world can take or leave it.  So, this brings me to a question: Have you ever had one of those reoccurring dreams that might be the manifestation of something like the openness similar to what I wrote about?  I am starting to wonder if I have tapped into something new.  I hope so.

crudus animus


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About I Write Irate

For me, this is a personal exploration into a part of me that has been silent for years. It is an opinion. It is an expression. It is who I am. The revelations will come and the patient reader will enjoy the craft displayed. I offer a challenge: Read this and you will come to understand a voice that speaks to the heart of the issue. It can reveal a compassion that some have left behind. Enjoy.

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