Ever have one of those moments when you really hate to bother someone with a request or even a simple question? I am not talking about someone you live with or a really close friend. I am talking about a person that might be considered a passing acquaintance. If not, then I truly envy you because I really hate to bother someone with such an inane thing that will likely only benefit me. It is difficult to explain beyond that, but I am going to try.
So, as I have mentioned before, I am terribly empathic. I can literally sense the emotions when they are high. In situations where you must deny a request or disappoint someone with a ‘no,’ I not only feel my own emotions, but I pull in the vibes the other person. It is almost like I have to experience the rejections from this view point while being the one that voices the denial. Believe me; it has made for a difficult time while dealing with other people. Interpersonal skills are often some of my hardest to improve, but I have learned to take the piece of the experiences in order to just make myself better.
To learn to handle all this, I had to learn to block some of the vibes or emotions so that I would not just break down and weep all day. With some study to focus the mind, I turned some of my natural skill to refine the empathy. It was never an easy matter, but in time, I gained some control over it. It was like I had some super power that needed to be corralled in those wild times. Soon, it became second nature to shut out the emotions.
However, over time as the skill to block was a habit that I absently practiced, my block was more than just shutting out those emotions that I needed to avoid, but the skill calcified my empathy to blind me to others. My senses had been clogged with all the opinions and theories of the world that I lost some of my compassion and understanding of my fellow human beings.
I mentioned this before, but I am clearing out all this clutter and searching for what I am rather than what I should be. I may be the master of my own destiny, but I need to lighten the load on the vessel.
This leads me to the point of making a simple request to another. The difficulty lies in the emotions within. If I am going to make it in this world as a productive member of our society, I need to get past this little mental and emotional obstacle.
The discovery of the problems that lie within can be inspirational and cathartic in a way that can shock the system. For instance, it was during the last few months of self-reflection that I came to realize that my part is a piece of something greater. I do have something to contribute to the world and I need to share it.
So I need to ask a small request of everyone that comes across this. Would you please look inside yourself and seek the ways to understanding not only your own quirks and habits, but those of others? If we all just took a little moment for this, we would all benefit from it and reach our potential.
It is late and the day is nearly over. I have experienced a wide range of emotional and rational thoughts. I have opened my mind over the last few months with the loss of something that I had believed to be a road to greater things. It was not, but I have not let it crush me. Thus far in my writing of this blog, I have given myself over to a part of my mind that has rarely had a chance to speak. It is my opinion that I hold dear. It keeps me true with integrity and dignity. I refuse to let something just change my course because it is rough and I need to find the easier path. Life is not meant to be an easy path.
In each of us, there lies a sleeping beast. If we press ourselves beyond the comfort zone, we wake it. Recently, I have awakened this beast. It is ready to roam free and break down the walls.
Let me pose it to you this way. As a child, you are given certain boundaries to protect your frail form from breaking or making such a mistake that it costs you your life. These boundaries are also the means to which our parents guide us. We form a strong bond with our parents and we want to obey so we remain safe. It is a wonderful state to remain in. Some will cling to it for a very long time. Some will break free of it far too soon. It is not one of these that I write about personally.
For me, it was something different. I am quite empathetic and it was instilled in me long ago that pain which I caused in others, I would feel. It continues. So I battle with the empathy to find balance rather than be overruled by it. Its hold on my conscious thought has been too strong for most of my life. I sought to find a way as a teenager to avoid hurting others, but it usually ended with more pain than I can truly handle. Friends were lost along the way.
So, my solution was to cut it out of my life completely. As I became an adult, I learned that this solution was not achieving a sense of peace, because I was so far lost in it and the pain that I had caused. Then it all changed with one person. Of course, this was just the first step to where I am now with the awakened spirit in me now.
What I am experiencing now with this new epiphany of my life can be traced back to this first step. Luckily for me, even after all my pushing away; it did not stop this other one in my life. Soon, the steps were slowly taken to fix my problems, but it was never alone. Now, I feel the weight of all those burdens that I was carrying stubbornly alone simply lighter. I have learned to even out the burdens and released this beast.
In simpler terms, I have come to realize that even though I was living a life with my spouse, I never opened my eyes to the fact that inspiration in my world is within that bond. It was the courage and dedication that gave me the power to balance out the empathy. A touch of that love and support can open the mind to a whole new world.
We each have our methods of dealing with the world around us and each of us has the power to delve down into the depths of our souls to find the solutions. I have found mine. Everyday, I pray that it will never end.
How does all of this fit into the theme that I have here? That is exactly why I can confidently express my opinion to the world that wishes to take time to read it. I don’t expect it to become a success or gather a crowd of followers. I just expect it to be what it is…my opinion.
In the end, I will be proud of it and the world can take or leave it. So, this brings me to a question: Have you ever had one of those reoccurring dreams that might be the manifestation of something like the openness similar to what I wrote about? I am starting to wonder if I have tapped into something new. I hope so.